The Night before Fabmas

A Christmas Poem, by The FAB [F-elix (Breden), A-rne (Mooers), B-ernie (Crespi)]. Evolutionary Biology lab group at Simon Fraser University, as communicated by Bernie

‘Twas the night before Fabmas, and all through the roomNot a creature was stirring, not even on ZoomThe stockings were hung by the laptop with care,In hopes that Sir Darwinus soon would be there;

The children were nestled all safe in their beds,While visions of booster-shots danced in their heads;And mom in her faceshield and I in my mask,Had just settled in for more research on vaxx,

When there on our screen there arose such a clatter,I sprang from my browser to see what’s the matter.Away from my Windows I dove like a flash,VP-ed the network, deleted the cache.

DNA on the screen of the downloaded dataGave the lustre of breakthrough to omicron beta   When, what to my wondering eyes should regeagle,But an HMS ship, and eight tiny reinbeagle

With a little old captain, so live and amok,I knew in a moment it must be Sir ChuckMore rapid than twitter his coursers they came,And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Now, HUXLEY! now, HOOKER! now, HENSLOW ERASMAGE!On, LYELL! on FITZROY! on, OWEN and BABBAGE!To the top of the tree! To the true adaptations!Evolve away! volve away! Change all our nations!”

As viruses that before epidemes fly,When they meet with an obstacle, R-zo to the sky,So up to the case-top the coursers they flew,With a laptop of models, and Darwinus too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roofThe barking and yelping of reinbeagle woof.As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,When right down my router Chuck came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,And his clothes were all tarnished with virus kaput;A bundle of data he had on his back,And he looked full immune from all viral attack.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,And solved all our problems of virus berserkAnd laying his finger aside of his nose,And giving a nod, up the datstream he rose;

Sprang to his reinbeagles, to his team gave a whistle,And away they all flew like they’re nuclear fissile,                       

 But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he beamed out of sight,HAPPY FABMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!